Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
