Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
only you would photoshop your dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize