is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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