ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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