Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
