I can tuck mytits in my pants
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
