It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
