And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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