i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
