Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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