Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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