if i can run in heels then i can drive
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
