you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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