we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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