just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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