im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
