We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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