can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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