this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize