Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
