The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
