My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
