Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
