it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize