mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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