You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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