Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it wasn't lemon gatorade
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
