Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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