next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
