No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
