It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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