You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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