Moan for me like Helen Keller
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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