Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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