omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
