you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
