Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am one with the molecules
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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