If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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