did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't deserve a penis
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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