Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
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