six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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