i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
