Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
