Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize