Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
