I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
