I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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