dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
