I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
