I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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