Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He passed out mid-signature
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
