Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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