First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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