So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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