talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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