Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
