I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize