oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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