So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so let's talk penis.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
