no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
