I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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