Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
