Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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