And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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