We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize